Couples

The relationship you desire is achieved one step at a time.

The hardest part is just getting started.

I will support you and your partner every step of the way.

• Are you tired of cycling through the same frustrating issues over and over again without resolution?
• Do you wish you could renew the physical and emotional intimacy and connection you two once had?
• Are you and your partner about to embark on a life change (marriage, a move, kids, planning for retirement) and want to feel prepared and confident as a couple to work as a team?
• Do you long for more ease and lightheartedness in your relationship?
• Ready to learn communication tools and techniques to tackle life’s challenges together and feel more bonded as a couple?

If you said yes to any of the above, your relationship is in the majority.  Relationships, like all good things in life, have their challenges, and require attention and care. Over the course of a relationship, all happy couples have to continuously learn or re-learn how to: negotiate,  develop communication skills,  and deepen emotional and physical intimacy. The best relationships know that to thrive, you have to choose to fall in love with one another over and over again. 

Learning how to evolve as a couple is 100% normal and healthy.

    Seeking support during these evolutions is the best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship.

Couples Counseling can teach you to…

• How to have collaboration VS. resentful compromise as a couple
• Communicate more effectively & create positive patterns
• Learn to regulate emotions when upset, so you can respond VS. react. 
• Work through disagreements or differences in a healthy, productive way
• Be lovingly assertive so you each can get your needs met
• Create safety together to be authentic
• Let go of the past, forgive and grow into something new
• Relate in healthier ways and develop more love

I Can Help

Helping couples get back into connection is what I do. I help couples by using Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT). The type of communication I teach using EFT increases bonding, trust, and self-esteem in a relationship.

What this means is I help you to…

• First, learn to communicate more effectively by helping you identify and share your needs (e.g., the need to feel respected,  trusted,  prioritized,  valued,  heard,  considered, desired, loved, chosen…) 
• Second, I then help you link your automatic response (e.g., feeling frustrated, hurt, annoyed, confused, overwhelmed, disrespected…)  and automatic reaction (e.g., getting defensive, shutting down,  withdrawing,  asking for constant reassurance,  avoidance,  making demands,  testing,  ignoring,  placating…) to your unmet need.
• Third, using the information above, I will then help you and your pattern get out of the pattern of communicating that doesn’t work for you two, and start creating a new, more productive and healthy pattern. 

EFT is proven to help. In fact, research shows that 90% of couples improve after a brief period of EFT guidance and 75% have maintained their improvements when we check back in two years later. I have advanced training in EFT and extensive experience helping couples get back into connection using EFT. The best therapy will use multiple treatments to help. Below are the additional therapies I will use to help you and your relationship.

• Strength-based
• Cognitive Therapy
• Mindfulness & Somatic Therapy
• Experiential Therapy
• Trauma-Informed Therapy
• Culturally-informed Therapy

You’re closer to your goals than you might realize…

One other major way I help is by supporting you and your relationship is to identify strengths you already have that support your relationship.

So often couples get so overwhelmed by the challenges in their relationship, that they can lose sight of the strengths and value each person currently brings to the table.

Recognizing your current strengths is an important first step towards lasting, collaborative change as a couple.

Common Concerns You May Be Thinking…

“Do we really need therapy? Can’t we just figure it out on our own?”

Being in a relationship is a team sport. A team thrives when everybody attends practice.

That’s all couples therapy is: a place to practice tools so your relationship doesn’t just survive the hard times, but thrives because of how your relationship learned to show-up in the face of life’s challenges.

The reason couples therapy helps is because when two people who love each other very much are having a difficult conversation or are experiencing frustration or disappointment, their brains are hardwired to go into fight, flight, freeze, or placate mode.

When your amygdala starts running the show (also known as the “amygdala hijack“), that’s when fights escalate, problems get bigger or go unresolved, and couples become more and more disconnected. I give much more information on this in the first session.

Most of the time couples don’t even realize they are having a chemical response that is heavily influencing how they are feelings and communicating. 

In couples therapy, I help couples reengage their prefrontal cortex so they can get back online; solve problems from an authentic and grounded place, as well as feel more loving and bonded to one another.

Imagine that? Having a hard conversation and actually feeling MORE connected after.

Overall, my goal is the same as yours. For you and your partner to confidently implement the tools and techniques learned in therapy, on your own. Couples therapy is more thorough and tailored to your unique relationship. Ensuring sustainable change VS. quick fixes.

“We don’t have time for couples therapy.”

“If you don’t make time

for your wellness

you be forced to make time

for your illness.”

Your time is valuable and couples therapy is commitment of time and energy.

However, consider how much time and energy is lost to relationship conflict, miscommunication, and disconnection. Not tending to your relationship is like driving your car with the brake on. Sure, you may get where you need to go eventually, but it’s going to be slower than necessary and some damage is likely to incur along the way.

I will help you and your partner get time back. Take the brake off. Get to where you need to go as a team and in a healthy and productive way that leaves you both feeling heard, respected, and loved.

“What if my partner won’t come to therapy?”

It’s very common for one partner to be hesitant or even refuse to begin couples therapy. Relationships are a team sport. The team functions best when everybody shows up to practice.

You can’t change your partner or force them to come to therapy. However, you can inspire them by beginning the therapy process yourself. I think Julie Menanno from The Secure Relationship says it best below…

It takes TWO to SAVE a relationship

But it only takes ONE

To CHANGE a relationship

And a CHANGED relationship

Is far more likely to be SAVED

Than an UNCHANGED relationship

Consider doing YOUR part

even when your partner is not

Because the ONLY other option

Is for things to stay the same.

I’ll end this page with where I started it…

The relationship you desire is achieved one step at a time.

The hardest part is just getting started.

I will support you and your partner every step of the way.